I fear that I’m disappointing Master and Mistress by not posting, but I have been having a lot of trouble concentrating lately. I try to be a good object, to wait patiently on the shelf until He calls for me again but the fact is, I’m a person…more than that I’m an addict. I’ve never done any hard drugs, but I imagine I know exactly how a heroin addict feels. The need inside me is excruciating. There is nothing I wouldn’t do just to hear Him murmur, “good girl.” Just to feel the ropes on my skin and the sting of the pain that pleases Him so well.
I know he needs me to be a good girl and wait. I wish I could be a good girl and wait patiently, thinking only of His needs. I believe I will come to that some day. But the sensations are still so new, the strong desires so long unfulfilled that now they are being unleashed and I have little control over them. Part of the joy of being a sub is to allow myself to be out of control. But I fight, trying so hard to function in the vanilla world with this empty hole inside of me that can only be filled by His desire for me.
Master, if it pleases you please send me another assignment so that I may please you even when we cannot meet.
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