Madam P was so sweet to me this weekend. Sometimes I don’t know what comes over me, but I have a tendency to be very jealous of anyone touching Madam P in a familiar way, past, present or future. And, well, you know, Madam has lived a long, full life; she’s had lovers before me. And intellectually I understand the beauty of that. I get it that Madam is the woman I know and love because of all those experiences of her past, both good and bad. In my more lucid moments, I can feel appreciation and gratitude towards all those people who have been intimate with Madam before she met me; they’ve helped Madam to grow and evolve each in their own way, and they helped keep her from feeling lonely and unloved while she waited for me to find her. But if I allow myself to think about it too much, I’m just so quick to get moody, jealous and withdrawn over these thoughts.
Why I respond this way to thoughts of Madam P’s sexual history seems irrelevant. What is relevant is why at times I feel drawn to think these thoughts that I find so unsettling (much like a moth flying into a lit candle), and what can I do to stop thinking these thoughts so that I can avoid turning moody.
Madam has decided that I don’t need to deal with this issue by myself anymore. This past Saturday I allowed myself to get into that old crazy thought cycle, dwelling on Madam’s past sexual adventures. I could see myself doing it inside my head, and yet I felt powerless to stop it. (Maybe it’s the masochist in me drawn to emotional pain.) Madam does not like to be around me when I get like this. So rather than getting angry with me this weekend, Madam took me in hand and helped me to stop thinking unsettling thoughts.
Early in the day, Madam had to take a trip to the grocery store; before she left, she put me in my cage and locked the door. I stayed in there for about an hour, waiting for Madam to get back from the grocery store. (Madam doesn’t know that I was just waiting for her to leave so that I could guzzle a beer and numb out a little bit; cage time was much healthier for me, body and soul… thank you Madam P!) For a while after Madam let me out, I was my sweet, submissive, doting self with Madam. But I wasn’t done yet.
Later in the evening, residual thoughts came up again, turning me dark and moody one more time. Madam didn’t wait long before she took action.
As I was preoccupied, in my own little moody world, working on my art, Madam came into the room and told me to put everything down and come to her. I was feeling cranky. I was in no mood to play, but I’ve surrendered my will to Madam and I’ve pledged to obey her commands, so I did what was demanded of me. Madam had me place my hands behind my back so that she could snap on a pair of handcuffs. I was then led to the bedroom, where Madam had me kneel beside the bed. She removed her underwear, stuffing them into my mouth, and told me to place my head on the bed face down. She then turned off the lights, closed the door, and left me to stew in the fullness of my submission, restrained, gagged, and in the dark.
A little while later Madam came back into the bedroom, removed her panties from my mouth, gave me a mild spanking, pulled my hair back, and let me know that the moody attitude had to stop immediately. Madam had me say out loud that I’m her slave, that she owns me outright, and that I will obey as I’ve agreed to do. She had me kiss and lick her feet for a little while, grabbed a handful of my hair and asked if I was ready to behave if she uncuffed me. I agreed to be Madam’s good girl for the rest of the evening. Madam uncuffed me, gave me a long, warm hug and let me know that she loves me with all her heart.
Madam P is no bully. She isn’t the kind of Madam that enjoys doling out a lot of physical pain to her slave just for the fun of it. Madam P is always fair, wise and just. Her method of getting my attention and interrupting my crazy thoughts proved to be extremely effective. For the rest of the weekend, I was Madam’s good girl, sweet, submissive and very affectionate towards Madam.
I like myself so much better when I’m sweet and submissive, showering my love and affection all over Madam. I’m so grateful to Madam P for taking me in hand and helping to bring my thoughts back into alignment with who I most want to be: Madam’s sweet slave girl. On Sunday, at an “erotic humiliation” workshop that Madam took me to, the presenter said to me after I shared about how Madam P trains me, “You’re a very lucky girl.” Yes I am; he has no idea!
Missy
No comments:
Post a Comment