***Thank you for tuning in to the second part of our series on fantasies. Enjoy!***
Here’s something that I wish someone would have told me… you know maybe something that should be included in the “sex talk” because once you start going after your fantasies, you will learn (1) that living some fantasies are every bit as rewarding as you imagined BUT (2) some fantasies are NOwhere near exciting as you thought they’d be. As a matter of fact they turn out the opposite of arousing. And the sense of disappointment that comes after a failed fantasy is… well like having for the longest time imagined you would get a laptop for xmas but end up with tube socks.
For example, here are a couple of fantasies that sounded good in my head but turned out bleh.
-Sex in a club bathroom sounded nasty in a hot way but it turned out to be nasty in the… icky disgusting, must-shower-now way… so much so that I could not concentrate on the sex part. *shudder*
-Outdoor sex sounded exciting with the whole it’d be hot if someone discovered us (or as I like to call it passive aggressive exhibitionism)… it turned out uncomfy with twigs and pine needles stuck everywhere. Also bugs… I should have known about that one though cause I hate camping. Of course, in this particular case my dislike doesn’t count for much cause Luke really enjoyed it. I must admit though, he once paddled me at one of those “scenic view” perches in a park at night and that was exciting. I got wet enough from that not to notice the hard cold rock under my ass as he fucked me. So my suspicion is, some people who remember fondly certain sexual experiences that sound icky, might have been too turned on to note said icky conditions.
-I’ve already mentioned the climax-depravation that sounded wonderful but turned out pointless.
-A bevy of stuff I had read or heard about that sounded good but turned out to be over complicated and annoying (to me)
I guess the thing is to really know yourself and your kink. If you are not into dirt, think twice about fantasy sex that’ll get you dirty. Don’t get sucked into someone else’s fantasy. No matter how exciting they (and by they I mean friends, books, porn, your current partner etc) make it sound, it’s your genitals about to be exposed to this experience so take a moment to self examine. But despite what I am saying here kinda, don’t be afraid to experiment. Yes, the fantasy might suck majorly in reality but at least you’ll know what doesn’t work! And how else are you gonna accumulate funny sex stories?!
And the bonus of bravely trying out your kinks is experiencing fantasies that will lead to purely amazing, mind blowing experiences. I’ve had a bunch that become absolute favourites to revisit often. Some of the more elaborate ones that can’t be repeated as easily go back on my fantasy list as more “masturbatory aid” except now I have actual sensory memory of the events.
Among really fun fantasies are role playing ones. They can be so very fun. You are essentially using the same set of “toys” you have, you are just allowing your imagination to give them new color. It’s mental kink. It’s like your brain is wearing latex or a Victorian corset. It’s playing house and doctor and cops/robbers but this time all the little pseudo-sexual things you used to do have evolved to actual sex! What could be better? Of course, I assume you have to have a bit of a child inside you and willingness to play without being too self conscious.
Some of my favourite kinky role plays are,
- Little teenage runaway that’s picked up by not so kindly stranger. That little experience involved getting fingered and giving a blow job in the car in full view of anyone in a car of same height or higher.
-The cowboy from old wild west and the hooker… lots of rough sex, occasional rope bondage
-The new prisoner that gets fucked by other inmate/s or a warden – self explanatory
-The home invader/s who find a girl alone in the house and take advantage (a variation is being car napped or really any variation of rape scenes at gun/knife point with various bondage scenes)
-Student and teacher/boss and employee/etc
Of course attitude is very important. You have to be able to really get inside (and comfy) the character you want to be and you have to be lucky enough that your partner makes a good convincing opposite. Think back to when you were kids and how absorbed you got into whatever role you were playing. Props are not necessary but certainly helpful (and fun!).
Wait that’s not always true. Some people’s kink is the dress up in which case the props are very necessary!
Oh one more thing about role playing. Some people think that role playing falls outside “real bdsm”. Once you put “real” in front of anything, of course, you’ve entered elitist land and it’s hard to use logic there. But the best “argument” I’ve heard in this regard is within role playing, you are kinda cloaked by the characters you are playing which in turn means part of your self is shielded. For example, if you are doing a degradation scene, the bottom’s character and not his/her true self is getting humiliated which might make is easier to bear. That might be but I am guessing if a submissive needs to check out they will even if they aren’t in a “role”. Other than that, the crop hurts just as bad, a ginger plug burns just as hotly and being called a cheap dirty whore and a cum slut… well turns me on just as much anyway no matter “who” I am being.
So one thing I’ve noted over the hormonal roller coaster I’ve had to endure, especially while I was going through the “treatment” section of my illness was that while most of the time the complete lack of sexual desire lead to no inclination towards fantasizing… sometimes my fantasies and imagination did break through the hormonal gloom. So even when I didn’t have too much (read none) desire for sex with anyone else, my body kept kick starting the engine in intervals to keep it lubricated. (Pun pun puuuun!)
I’ve also noticed that as I age, I have less varied fantasies. I am sure that is a split cause between the natural rigidity that comes with aging (you know getting all set in my ways) and the natural process of discretion that comes with becoming “experienced” in a field. My fantasies these days are a combination of old favourites, any new “threat” Luke comes up with or anything new I dream up but most often it’s a mix of old favourite elements and new situations. Like the newest thing we’ve been both fantasizing about (the kinks have not been worked out yet – hey more pun!) is for Luke to chain me up in the bathroom all day and piss on me every time he needs to and use my mouth to clean up and for blow jobs whenever he wants one. Getting pissed on and mouth fucked… old favourites, the daylong bondage in bathroom, however, is new. This one actually is Luke’s fantasy. *I* had been fantasizing about something similar for a long time. My fantasy involved him chaining me to his desk and using me throughout the day as he pleases. However since his office is a colossal mess, it’s not terribly doable. Water sports are a favourite of Luke’s so the fantasy isn’t much of a surprise to me. I think it might be one of his biggest turn ons. From my end, I’d be lying if I swore to love the taste and smell of his pee but the degradation and his excitement makes me dizzy with lust so I’d also be lying if I said it didn’t turn me on. I already wrote a lengthy post on how much I like blowing him. Extensive bondage is something we’ve never done though. To begin with, we both have too much to do but that obviously isn’t it because we make time for other things we love. Then there is the fact that bondage is not a big thing with Luke. He likes it but it doesn’t drive him wild. The bigger issue is that I don’t really have a grip on how I might feel about prolonged bondage. This is one of those fantasies that sound incredibly hot but might not produce the desired effect in action. The specific appeal, like all acts of submission, is in giving up my choice, power and control. However, the mode in which it’s done might turn out to cause more negative emotions than positive. I realize in absolute submission my preference wouldn’t count but I am not a slave, just a girl with submissive tendencies so my preference does very much count! Plus if the conclusion of some act is me being pissed off, nobody walks away happy and that’s just not fun! What do I think might cause issues? I’d get bored out of my mind which would lead to impatience and then anger unless there is frequent attention given to me. On a good submissive day I could use these feelings to fall into a mental sub-space but it’s a fine balance. So we are probably going to start with an afternoon of this and probably figure out things I might do instead of sitting and staring at the wall. That way we’d give the idea a test drive and work the kinks out for longer sessions.
Another possible issue I can detect… will he still find the whole thing a turn on after I smell like a public urinal?
I’ll let y’all know!
***Thank you for your attention. This ends this section of ramblings on the subject of fantasies. Please stay tuned for the 3rd and hopefully last section of this fascinating subject.
Dirty Ingenue, we write as if you care!***
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