From Beyond (1986)

This is a film directed by Stuart Gordon based on a short story by H.P. Lovecraft and starring Jeffrey Combs. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? This certainly isn’t the first collaboration between Gordon and Combs, and it certainly won’t be the last. I believe this is actually one of five movies Gordon has made based on short stories written by Lovecraft, which makes reviewing any of them tricky. If the movie is bad, who do we blame? And if it’s good, who do we commend? As much as I would like to blame H.P. Lovecraft for writing awful stories and being a racist, it’s hard to be mad at a dead guy who wrote The Call of Cthulhu. Sorry, Stuart, but I am going to blame you for the this one.

She chose THIS over Ken Foree in his underwear?! Ugh, WOMEN

I think to simply call this movie “bad” would be unfair to all parties involved. Rather, I think this film suffers from a case of split personalities. One thing I noticed about Gordon, which I actually think is pretty effective, is using the opening scene to set the tone of his films. True, most of his films have the same tone, so maybe it’s easy for him to recreate scenes that get the desired effect, but I suppose that’s debatable. The  film opens with Combs, playing Crawford Tillinghast, and Ted Sorel, playing Dr. Edward Pretorius, using some sort of device that is glowing and doing wacky stuff. The device causes Dr. Pretorius’ head to explode, but then a dog comes in a licks it. Gordon uses special effects to gross you out, but then brings in comedic relief to avoid frightening you completely. That’s hod most Gordon films are; rather than terrify you, he tends to juxtapose the grotesque with the light-hearted, leaving you unsettled. Turns out this machine was used to manipulate an unused part of your brain that is essentially your sixth sense, seeing more than is actually there. Another doctor finds out about this, and wants to attempt using the device with Crawford there to help, and then the hilarity ensues. There are weird leaches coming from the machine, Dr. Pretorius keeps showing up in stranger and stranger disfigurements, Ken Foree is running around in his underwear, ladies are wearing BDSM outfits, and Crawford is running around with an antenna popping out of his head. The insanity that is the plot can probably be blamed on Lovecraft, but since he was a weirdo freak anyway, I’m sure it made sense in his head.

To be fair, this eyeball sucking scene was pretty touching

The reason I feel this movie suffers from multiple personalities is based on the special effects. I mentioned that Dr. Pretorius keeps showing up and is becoming more and more disfigured, which is where most of the special effects come into play. The effects look like Stuart Gordon had just watched both The Thing (Kurt Russel version, duh) and Videodrome the day before filming this movie and demanded those props be used again. I mean, I don’t blame him, the special effects in both of those movies were awesome, but seeing them used in a different context just a few years later was just a little underwhelming. I mean, there were definitely moments where the effects were cool, which is why I am rating this movie a little higher than I wanted to, I can admit that. But even then, it still appeared as though the effects didn’t work as well, as it seemed there was less movement with the effects than what was achieved in the aforementioned film. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the Gordon/Lovecraft/Combs project that was released a year earlier, Re-Animator. From Beyond, however, just really didn’t do it for me. If you are going to take a short story as bizarre as this one, I would really have liked to seen it go even more bizarre than using recycled effects, sex appeal, and the familiar faces of Ken Foree and Jefferey Combs to try to gain cult credibility.

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Coming Out

I generally think that coming out is a bad idea.  Anytime you have to articulate your identity you are giving credence to the ideology of heteronormative behavior.  When was the last time someone came out to you as straight?

Coming out presupposes a world of coerced conformity. A world where nuclear, heterosexual, two person, monogamous relationships are the prescribed norm. Coming out states that you acknowledge this and are stating your identity as something other than this.  Making an apology. Telling people that you understand that everyone is presumed straight, until they say otherwise. This fosters an ideology of reinforced heteronormative behavior patterns.  Expecting that people will love you, even though your queer, puts the burden of tolerance, and the power to represent the default identity, on straight people.

I never really thought much about coming out. I grew up in San Francisco. Everyone was queer, queer friendly, out and proud. There were more gay flags flying in my childhood than bigots screaming slurs, a lot more.  I’m thinking about this a lot this week as last week I was chased out of a party being called gay.  How is it possible that “gay” is an insult? I’m living in a very scary world where heterosexuality is presupposed, expected, and thought to be desirable.  I’m living in a world where people use heterosexism as a weapon.

I have issues with coming out, with having to come out and with the problems that you cannot undo once you come out. I’m all about being yourself and not having to explain it to anyone.  I’m gonna come out though. Not that you don’t know I’m queer. I’m sure I have said it before. I talk about my girlfriend and about how I prefer to be in non-traditional relationships with people of non-conforming gender identities.

I’m gonna come out as a parent.  I have offspring. I almost never mention it to people who don’t need to know. I want to protect my children from the bizarre world of professional perversion I live in and love. I want to keep my worlds separate. I want to have a modicum of privacy. I want to have my cake and eat it too.  If I never told you I have children don’t take it personally, you have to be very close to me to have been brought into my world.  I don’t trust most people with this part of my life.

I’m in a position where I feel I must come out though. Being silent about my children on my blog and in my art is no longer advantageous. The man who knocked me up when I was a teenager is not giving me any choice.  I must come out if I am going to write about the full spectrum of a major problem I am dealing with. If I am going to not censor my writing, I have to come out.

Alright, so now you know I’m a mother.  You might be asking how this is relevant. I’m getting to it.

The father of my children, after our brief high school fling, became an evangelical Christian. Once he was into kinky sex and drugs. Now he is married in the suburbs slandering my queer intellectual identity. His wife is a stay at home bleached blond who has nothing but time on her hands. She is reading this blog.

The two of them have a real problem with the way I live my life. They want to throw stones and suggest that I’m not allowed to have more fun than they are.  It has been a long time since I have been able to deal with the father of my children in a way that is indicative of adult communication.  I’m tired of being called the antichrist. I’m tired of the threats and the hostility. I’m tired of them trying to keep my children from me because I’m a queer, kinky, sex working academic.

The shit has to stop now. I can’t really process things without writing about them. When the wife started posting hate mail to this blog I realized that I could not tell you what I was doing without these crazy Christians knowing too.

I sat stewing for a while.  I was going to post my upcoming travel but I didn’t want to tell them what I was up to.  I thought I would be covert about it, telling you that I’m having problems with the right wing and that I can only tell you vague details of my trip. I’m sick of trying to dance around their bullshit so I figured it might be easier to out myself as a mother than it would be to deal with them holding this over me, trying to harm my family, playing games.  I’m sick of it.

I’m coming to New England to attend a conference, visit some family, and play.  I’m bringing my teenage son who wants to look at colleges in the area.  I’ll have a little bit of free time to play.  Hopefully you want to play.  I’m really in the mood to have some fun, get off this crazy coast, away from the Christians, out of the vapid self-loathing monotony of southern California.

I’ll have time to play March 13th – 16th in Western Mass.  I might be heading to Cape Cod on the 13th and I will be in NYC for a day but I’m not sure which day.  I’ll be in Cambridge with very limited availability March 19th – 21st.

I hope I get to beat you, piss on you, and write a dirty story to anger the crazy Christians.  Help me have some fun, pay my increased tuition, and get out of the funk that is becoming the essence of my life.  Come on, let’s live a little!

[Via http://widowcentauri.wordpress.com]

Making time

In the midst of a particularly hectic time for me and Sir alike, it is always so comforting for me to come home at the end of the day and find Sir sitting at his desk. I walk up to him, kneel beside his chair and put my head in his lap while he strokes my hair. It isn’t long until I’m the one doing the stroking, unzipping his pants and taking his cock in my mouth.

There hasn’t been much heavy impact play, which I both miss and am grateful for, as I’m incredibly busy and more often than not just want some intimacy and some satisfaction from pleasing my lover, my master, my best friend.

I also love the quick jaunts home for lunch, when we meet, shovel food into our mouths and have a hard, rough, sweaty quickie before running back out the door, all smiles from the nasty secrets dampening our pants.

After two years, I think I’m even more passionate and even deeper in my submissive mindset than I was early in the lust stage of our relationship. And that makes me smile. I’m sitting here naked, in my collar, just finished fucking myself and…happy. I hope everyone feels that ray of sunshine-y goodness today. At least for a moment.

<3 Ruby

[Via http://rubysjourney.wordpress.com]

19-year old Ally Ann punished and fucked in hard bondage

[Via http://bdsmsubmission.wordpress.com]

PDA fuck

It’s been a hard week filled with good and bad. I am a lucky woman. I have some amazing people in my life and the fact that I am so blessed sometimes scares me. I am scared of it all being taken away. I feel silly talking about it now because the zen thing to do would be to enjoy, be happy and just bask.

My grandma tells this story… she was out in a friend’s orchard with the family, picnicking. As they sat there eating, a dog comes by. In that area, the dogs are semi-stray. The farmers feed them but they are not pets. They fend for themselves as well and when they aren’t out on their own they stick around and guard the area. So my grandma, seeing the dog, throws him some food at which point the dog grabs it and promptly runs in a corner and buries it. Then he trots back and stares expectantly. My grandma throws him more food and he performs the same routine. This gets repeated quite a few times and the dog never takes a bite of anything, opting to save it all for later.

I feel like that dog. Like sometimes, I get so scared of future I completely forget to enjoy today. I’d like it to be otherwise and I am slowly teaching myself to live life with more tranquility.

That aside, did you all see canucks kick American butt in Olympic hockey? Our girls and our boys did us proud! The men’s game was really a good match to watch too. We were on the edge of our seats the last half an hour. Now you think having an American around the house to tease and taunt would be fun but Luke wouldn’t play. He thinks Olympics are frivolous and over rated and he simply met my taunting with, “I am glad Canada won.” The man can be so aggravating!

Otherwise, I am so bogged down with work that I can hardly look up. I’ve been dreaming of sucking Luke’s cock and we just don’t have enough time. When I have a moment he is busy. When he finishes up, I am sleepy. It’s just ridiculous. I have been so focused on my desire to suck his cock that today I was in passing telling him I liked his cock and he asked, what do you like about it, and I replied that I love how the skin moves over the shaft when I suck it. He countered with, “how about the way it stretches your cunt open” and for a second there I was thinking what?!!!. And a split second later it occurred to me that yes, his cock can also be used for fucking my cunt and not just my mouth. I suspect I have an oral obsession.

Long and short of it, I have to clear my schedule. Can you believe I still have not received my spanking related birthday surprise I was promised? And I need to be hurt so badly. I want his hands on me not in the nice blissful way. I want to feel how hard and heavy his hands are. I want him to be cruel. I need him to make me scream. I NEED it. The little masochist girl in me is getting close to start begging for it. And I hate begging for it. It’s one of the very few things that still have the capacity to make me shy. But I can’t help it. Any second now I am going to make a tray of a ginger plug, his biggest butt plug, nipple clamps and his belt then strip naked, go down on my knees and kneel somewhere noticeable and wait for him to ravage me.

Puhhhhleeeeeeaaaaaaasssse. Hurttttt meeee.

Ok, that’s just sad.

*laughing*

You know what is stoking my fire by the way? I usually tend to maintain a slow burn for a long time without complaining. What is making it worse is that he wants to hurt me and I can see it in his eyes and feel it in the way he touches me. He wants to bruise me and when he wants, I go into a frenzy. He can give me a hungry look and walk away and I go from a mild state of horny into wet, flushed and begging for it in 2 seconds. His desire is my aphrodisiac.

Ok, I am going to go schedule myself some sex. Or at least a blow job and a spanking. 

[Via http://dirtyingenue.wordpress.com]

[Moodyz](MIGD302) Bukkake and Gokkun first

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The label of submissive

I think the hardest part for me when I was getting started was actually accepting the label of submissive, it seems to have a bad connotation with it in every day society, and was connected with being passive too much, or a push over. I’m not necessarily submissive in every day environments, especially not to everyone, although I do have my submissive tendencies. Just because someone tells me to do something doesn’t mean that I am going to go and do it. I do like making people comfortable and making sure people are alright, but there is an extent. Also I had to argue with the fact that I love to debate with people and have discussions where I don’t easily back down. I also had to deal with the fact that I had spent most of my years from elementary school to recent to prove that I could do anything a guy could do. I felt like proclaiming that I was submissive took away from that and discredited any attempts or successes of the past sense I had ideas of submitting to a man. I somehow felt that would make me less of a person.

I eventually had to come to understand that the fact that I am submissive doesn’t change me as a person, it’s not like all the sudden I wake up, decide I’m submissive and never have an argument again, and never try to prove I can do things just as well as the next person, that just wasn’t it. I also had to learn that being submissive doesn’t mean I am submissive to every person out there, and defiantly not even every person that calls themselves a Dom. I had to learn that I didn’t mind being submissive to one person. It doesn’t make me any less of a person, and it doesn’t make me weak. This issue has come up with me at least twice so far, once when I first entered the BDSM world which was the hardest and another time while I was in my relationship, which wasn’t as big of an issue it was just a matter of reminding myself.

I had to understand that I am only submissive to my Master, and that doesn’t make me weak, and it doesn’t mean I am a doormat. I think it becomes quite the opposite; it makes me a stronger person. Not only am I able to trust him and his decisions, weather I fully understand them or not, I can trust him to make the correct decisions which I have learned over this past year. I trust myself more now in knowing I made the right decision in choosing to be his submissive which gives me a sense of empowerment strangely enough. It also shows you how to fess up to your actions and take responsibility, regardless if it was there before or not it’s a whole different concept. It gives you a whole new sense of accountability and honesty. For example for him to make the best decision he needs to know of all the aspects of the situation which requires me to tell them to him no matter what they may be. Which is different because I am used to taking responsibility for my actions, the difference is its not in the terms of then explaining them to someone else, and not just acknowledging that I made the ones I did. If I do have an issue with something I know I should bring it up. It’s not wrong to ask questions, or raise concerns, or have an opinion if you don’t then how will they ever know you have them?

I also had to realize that its not that I’m incapable of making a decision, it’s that if I want to live under him I do so by his standards, and by allowing him to make the decisions he feels are necessary, and going in the direction he feels is best for me and us. It’s more of being able to trust that he weighed all the pros and cons and made the best choice for you. It has also built my confidence in many ways, I know that when I do as he says I will always have someone to back me up and be there for me, and stand behind me. Someone who will not let me fail, and will encourage me to try again, and if I am stuck or need help, that there is always some there for me.

I don’t think this would apply to any relationship though, I don’t think these words would hold true had I ended up choosing any other Dom. I had met quite a few before I met my Dom, and I could never see myself trusting them the same as I trust my Master now. I couldn’t see myself allowing myself to submit to them at least not to the same extent I am working on with my Master. Just with the way they acted, carried themselves, the way they expected there to be a certain amount of ooh’s and aah’s because they called themselves a Dom, the way they acted, and the fact that I felt I could out smart them with a majority of things. At that point I somewhat dismissed my taking on the submissive label in a sense. I knew I was submissive still ,that didn’t change, but I didn’t know, where  to place that at the time, if it was something I then just wanted in the bedroom, or something that I wanted full time. I had basically changed my mind and decided that my idea was my fantasy. I didn’t see it in the cards that I would find someone I could trust someone to the extent of handing over my decisions to be made for me, and allowing myself to submit to someone, and give them any type of control within my day to day life. Especially after meeting some of the Dom’s I met I thought it was just going to be all for entertainment after that, something to somewhat sit and laugh at later. I didn’t really think there was going to be anyone that I would meet that I would click with, or anyone half way sane, but it also made me laugh. I guess half of me was holding out hope and figured it couldn’t hurt if I met up with people in my spare time. Basically what I learned from this is there are many different types of Dom’s out there, there are going to be a lot that are not for you and maybe a handful that are your type. Don’t build yourself up every time going “this is it this has to be the one! We’re meeting up and then were going to be together forever” look at things rationally. Also don’t let the idiots block you from your happiness, enjoy the entertainment while your searching and have fun with it. But please be safe about it, and don’t settle for someone who isn’t a match for you, they arn’t going to change for you, just like they shouldn’t expect you to change for them.

Lil Bumble V

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